Reliving Every Moment As If It Was The First.

Friday, September 21, 2007

Silence..

As he slows down his car to a standstill, he sighs in relief. He was finally home. After a long day out, it was finally a place of comfort for him to lift his feet and just relax. Stretching, a yawn escapes him as he scratches his tired head and grabs his belongings. With a twist of the key, the engine dies and he steps out of the car. Upon locking it, he heads towards the front entrance and opens it.


"Hmm.. something just isn't right." he thinks to himself.

Alas it was true, it was utter silence that echoed towards him. Even on a hot Friday afternoon, with the sun still high in the sky, there was stillness in the air. Nothing could be heard. The birds weren't singing their melodies and the cars seemed too distant to be heard. Strangely enough, his dogs were nowhere to be found. He owned 3 of them. Same breed. Not being too sure as to what they were, he was satisfied anyways of the pleasures they gave him. He used to run around with them as they chase and play catch. The can even fetch too.
The eldest of them all was "The Big Boy" as he names it. He was the leader of the 3. Siblings they were. Strong and muscular, with the bite that clamps down so rapidly, one would not even notice it till it's too late. He was big but sadly.. slow and lazy. Not exactly the smartest of them all either. Blur and innocent, this doggie is just a gentle giant.
Next in line was a female. "The Little One" she was named. This was lean and mean. She seems harmless and is very much friendly to everyone but she was a true genius. The escape artist one would say if one seen what she could achieve. Nothing can tie her down. She was a genius. Einstein of dogs I supposed. Once, knowing that the neighborhood hated them dumb dogs running around freely. The family realized that with the lead of this little dog, the others learnt how to squeese through the gates at the front. Upon knowing this knowledge, action was taken and wires were put up to block the bottom part of the gate. They were young puppies at that time, barely reaching 3 feet. Apparently, the female was a daredevil, smart too. She then devised a plan to rip a little part of the wires as a foothold. The help of the other two was needed but soon, they could be seen climbing up the wires and gate.. out they went again. The most brilliant move was how this one canine could actually learn how to free her young brother from being bounded with a leash. One has to see to believe it.
Finally, the youngest - "Little Boy". He was a speedster. Small and yet powerful. He was the adventurous one. Once he escapes from the boundaries of home, he races away to the ends of the neighborhood. God knows what he does there. But yes, that's what he does.
Anyway, it was all too strange for him as he walks into the house not seeing even one of them. Soon, a yawn could be heard as the eldest of them all stretches his aching bones and looks up at it's owner, tongue falling out with drool dripping to the floor. "One down, two more to go." As that memory flashes by, the youngest darted into the house through the gates not stopping for even a hearbeat of a second.. Still, one was still nowhere to be found.
After asking around and enquiring from his family, he finds out the truth. The female canine was sent to the vet. She wasn't feeling well and had to be sent there. He noticed the differences in it recently. It was always lying around. Tired out and restless. Sickly it looked but he didn't give much thought to it. "Bah, must be cause of all the running it did", he think as he brushes that thought off his shoulder. Now it was obvious. He recalls the whines of grief and pain in the night. It was just his imagination he supposed. It really occured.. With that, he strodes on thinking so very much of what could possibly be happening to his dear lil dog.

"It might not be able to survive", says the vet.

Yet, he hopes for the best as he awaits the return of his dear pup... Soon, it would come the time where it would come back. Fit and in the pink of health..

P.S. A shoutout to my dear "Little One". Please people, pray for my dog... :S

"Let the waves of love and happiness wash over you.."
+>SuicidalAct<+

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Randomness at it's peak

You know, I've been doing alot of thinking lately.. nah! That's a big fat lie. Nothing really going through my mind at the moment. College isn't all that tough after all. Been doing pretty alright. As for my social life, it's still expanding. Everything else, all's good. The saddest part about it all.. my money running like water. Honestly, in a blink of an eye.. my money flies right out of my pocket into someone else's. Sigh, damn these people that jack up the prices for everything.

Oh well, nothing much to report about me. Oh yes, I forgot.. my 1st week of going to Asia twice.. YESH!! It's a good start. Twice in a week only.. not five days week or more.. woohoo! This is an achievement. A big leap in the rehabilitation of Asia addiction! Anyway, life is just going on smoothly for me right now. Singularity is still having a stand on me! Yes! I would intend to stay this way for sometime.. :D Aight then, I don't really have any ideas on what to write and so forth so.. toodles.

P.S. Sorry people that I haven't been writing anything interesting and all that. I'm just not getting enough rest these days so my brain isn't working much. As for my life happenings. Those that want to know would probably be in contact with me OR.. well, just don't bother. It's fine and I'm well. Relax! :D



"Early to bed, early to rise. Makes one healthy, wealthy and wise."
+SuicidalAct+

Monday, September 17, 2007

Utter Emoness


Screw you Jay Chou! The bloody tear jerker really does make me tear so much!
Gosh! I know I know, I'm emotional and all that but still, come on mann!
It was so totally cliche.
What I'm talking about is the movie starring Jay Chou - "Secret" aka "Bu Neng Shuo De Mi Mi" that recently aired in cinemas nationwide.
This is utter bullshit! But still, it was an awesome movie.
It was a really good movie if one wants to really just let out those feelings.. :D

Saturday, September 15, 2007

Back Tracking..

So yes, I'm sorry all that I haven't been updating for quite sometime now. Apparently, I've been either really tired and lazy OR wasn't at home to do it. So anyway, I continue on as follows. Today, I would have quite a long stretch of plans aligned for me but right now, I would like to talk about my day.. yesterday. Not today, yesterday.

I woke up pretty late yesterday due to a freaking late night the day before. Thanks to me offering to pick up friends and dropping myself off before having them drop me off before going clubbing. So here I was staying home and just enjoying my time. Even then, I did not even think about going online but instead, watched the idiot box till well.. till 3 plus.. or was it 4? Whatever it was, it was really late. So yes, sadly for me I was not feeling well so I did not go clubbing. Yes people, I was being the good boy staying home and not going out for a late night.

Going on with the story, I woke up late in the afternoon only to realize that I had a heap of miss calls and text messages. This wasn't really surprising considering the fact that I knew I would somehow have plans that day. So yes, showered, called my brother and headed off. The plan was to go for lunch with my sister-in-law, sending her for French class and that's about it. Brother failed to mention that he had a foosball tournament that day but never the less, we manage to head there later. Alright, back to where we left off. So we went for lunch. Me and Shobz already had lunch so we didn't have any. Jean decided to have korean and we headed to O.U.

You know what the cutest part was? Attempted murder was underway as I stated a comment that triggered my sister-in-law's instinct of pushing me kiddingly. As I was sitting atop a railing that bordered between Chilis and the other areas of O.U. (Most people won't know where on earth we are but we were on the outside having a stamina stick). So yes, as I was safely perched on the railing, a little off balanced, Jean decided it was alright to give me a lil push. This ended up with me hanging on for dear life or risking me having a possible impalement by some stupid tree. That would be a really sad death. Stupid too. Oh well, We pulled through it.

As we went through the day, dear ol' sis ended up missing French class and Shobaan getting into the 2nd ranking. This meant that he was in the finals. I was estatic! Come on mann! 1st DYP I saw and he might actually win. I went home for dinner as he went through each round easily. I managed to pick up a black cat on the way and we went to support Shobz. In the end, he did his best but.. got 2nd. Whoa! It was freaking amazing but oh well, no worries.. he did the best he could.. :D

Anyway, I guess I had a great time. Black cat stayed over. We had a nice day. So yes, I shall continue on about my day today later.. so signing off, toodles.


P.S. Thanks people for actually wanting to read this. Hehehe.. Smilez..

Thursday, September 6, 2007

Understanding..

This takes some people ages to come to full understanding of what is going on in life. Some would live as long as their lifes never knowing it. For me, it came about a day or two ago. It is depressing in a way to find it the way I did. Life isn't the way it is. Life just isn't fair as it was before this. When I was younger, I thought life was simple. Parents give me, I take. Sadly, things are changing and my mind has finally unfold the mysteries of life. I've learnt that life just isn't all about taking and taking. It's also about giving back too. Oh well, took me long enough to learn that huh?

Anyway, I've just started college and honestly, I feel like a burden to my parents. The college fees are pricey and it takes a lot of hard earned money to send me there. What the heck, that's what they were here for right? That's what I 1st thought. Sadly, that's not the point. They could choose not to send me. But yet, they toil so hard just to put me through college. Dad and ma.. I'm glad you were my parents. Even through all the bullshit I put you guys through. Oh well, been thinking a hell lot more than I did before this. And it's just plain depressing. GAH!!! Someone please help me.

Apparently, I really hard people that bully in numbers. It's plain annoying and I hate it. Just yesterday, officials from a local government, in a huge number of people came to my favourite mamak in Connaught asking for identifications and stuff. That sucks mann. I bet they don't have the balls to do it alone so yeah, come and win in numbers. Talk cock and become straight jerkoffs..

Oh well, just want to let out my irritation in life. Neways..

*End Of Blog*


P.S. Thanks to my parents for bearing with me and having me through their life not wanting to disown me.. yet..

"The passion of one could spark a million feelings that we hidden from the view of the outside world"
+>SuicidalAct<+

Tuesday, September 4, 2007

The Sands Of Time..

Well, it really is true that no one can turn back time. So yes I follow this advice, I would like to add that.. One can never turn back time. Only change what is before them in order to shape the future they desire. As for me, I'm finally attending college again. No worries about the orientation crap. That can be settled easily. Right now I'm just thinking of continuing my studies and this time, being serious about it. Oh well, nothing much coming through my mind but I'm feeling a hell lot better than yesterday.

Didn't really do much today. Hung out with friends and caught up with some reading. It's been ages since I started a book and yes, it may seem rather dorky of me to start reading sci-fi but.. I can't help it. It's so bloody addictive. I'm currently reading the "Starcraft" series that was inspired by a game that was developed by Blizzard. Awesome storyline this. Oh well, nothing much to blog about. Just filling up a little space to ensure everyone out there that are concerned that I'm alright. No worries aight..


P.S. A shoutout to my brother's wife - Jean. Thanks for the call. Enlightened me some but really, relax. You're taking things the wrong way. Trust me okay. It was just that moment that I felt that way. Keep it cool. And the best of luck to the both of you. Cheers to both of you for ever being the closest of people to me. May your dreams be fulfilled and a long lasting relationship await both of you in the future. Yet again, cheers!


"The lion tamer does not complain about the lion's behavior but sometimes a change would be great. Less wounds to tend anyway.."
+>SuicidalAct<+

Complications in Life..

Like a spider tangled in it's own web, so have I made a whole mess of mine. It's sad but true. All may plans don't fit together. All that I've laid out in front of me didn't work. Nothing fell into place. Nothing went according to plan. I have failed. Today, I learnt a lesson I would never forget. And all this happened when I received only one text message from one special person that impacted my life over and over again. It truely opened my eyes though it screwed the rest of my day. There goes my skills in foosball and pool. Evidently, I still appeared to have fun and was enjoying my time on the outside. Sad to say, it wasn't how I felt. Thought ran through my mind like excited children scrurrying around the playground at their lunch break. My mind raced as I stood there intendly thinking about what I've done in life. All this because of one text message I received. Anyone else and I would have brushed it off as bullshit and have nothing to do with what I'm doing now. Sadly, this was different. She meant something a whole lot more to me than I realized. And what she had to say. It cut even deeper. All this isn't about relationships or crap. It's more about my future. And I noted that as I received it.

"What's wrong mann? Anything the matter? What's bothering you?" Came from a friend that cared. He seemed to have cared but yet, the void inside of me.. I've finally come to realize what it really was. I tried over and over again to fill it. With love, with friends and even with gaming and all sorts of other things. That wasn't it. It was purpose. A purpose in life was what I really needed. Nothing less than that. Anyway, the day passed by as it always would. I didn't go to college today since it was Orientation and the fact that I haven't cleared the full amount of the school fees and me not handing over my SPM slip worsened the matter. The case was this, I'm lost .And I really need help. I've reconsidered moving off to the States as and option to start anew. But it was too late. Sad to say, it was a little too late. Besides, I can't leave my friends here to start my life again. I belong here. Even if it were to mean that I've to hang on with their friends I have in this God forsaken land..

Rain drops poured overhead as I washed myself with tears. It was raining and I was stuck in my car. I parked a little away from the steps that led into my condominium. This was where I needed to be. To think. I can't do this anymore. Hope was lost and despair was here to stay. I really needed a smoke. I couldn't. I needed some food and a drink. I couldn't. Nothing is working the way I hoped it would. Nothing at all. I have met alot of new friends and I've did some stuff in life. But it wasn't really what I wanted. I wanted something that would actually bring good to my future. I needed an achievement. Thoughts raced through my mind as tears rippled down my cheeks. I have let my family down. I've gotten my close friends concerned. So many people worried about me without me realizing. Until today.. What am I really doing now? Can I actually have the nerve to let them down once more. It was no longer fondness towards my friends. It was more of.. love. Yes, I admit it. There are a few special people in my life that I truely love. Those that stood by me when I was down. Those that held my hand and told me to persevere. These are the people that really mattered to me. This is the only good thing that came out of my life so far. The people that made me feel at home.

I may not be strong enough to admit this before. But now, I am ready. I'm ready to confess. I have did my share of things I'm not proud of. I've did my share of hurting others and myself. I've been bad. But now, it's about time I turned to the right path. It's about time I changed the way things work. My bestfriend is happily married now. I don't want to disturb his life. It's his own to life. "I got your back bro.. no matter what." played at the back of my head. I know mann, you would always be my friend. Always would be. But yet, I have to let go. You have to set your priorities. I don't want to make her feel like I'm competing with her for your attention. I let you go. I'm the better man. Besides, it's not me you're spending the rest of your life with. It should rightfully be her. You've covered my back so often that I'm so glad I found you as my dearest friend, my brother. Now it's time to move on. I let go.

As for you, you may not know who you are but.. you've touched my life. You really don't seem to look like you care. Your advice direct. But I'm thankful for you always being there leading me on. I see the torch you lighted up for me. The one you carry with you wherever you go. I would follow wherever you lead me. Truth is.. I'm in love with you. And I'm glad that I am. Sadly, it's a shame but still, I would not mention this to anyone. Right now, I'm happy the way I am. The way I choose to be. Not meaning my life or anything. But.. the status I'm in. Single and such. Thanks anyway though that you've always been there for me. You're nothing special to be honest. To the plain eye you're just an average person. But to me, you're perfect.

Sigh, these feelings that rushed through me. I've nowhere else to go but here. For those that read this. Please, don't take it to heart. You're not the cause of my misery. It is me. Don't be fooled by the smile and laughter. But don't be down for my heartbreak. It isn't what it appears to be. It isn't how it should be. Whatever it is. I'm glad I lived this life. But I would make better use of this..

Lastly, I would like to say a big thank you to my parents..and my sister. They did a great deal for me. Having a black sheep in the family isn't anything anyone would be proud of. I know I'm not. And I'm trying my best to change. I've did so much to make them ashamed of me. I've did so much to cause them heartache and pain. Yet, they still love me the way I am. I'm glad I have them as my parents. No matter the circumstances. Well, I supposed that's about it for this time..toodles.


P.S. To all that made an impact in my life, I treasure you. For all that wrong me, I forgive you. To the few that made me feel loved, I love you too..




"Life isn't worth living unless it's lived to the fullest. Grasping the opportunity and living the moment is what living life is all about."
+>SuicidalAct<+

Sunday, September 2, 2007

*Blank*

Well honestly, I finally decided that I've totally run out of things to talk about. My brain can't seem to work all that much anymore ever since that stupid Grass + Booze concept. Sigh, it's true. I'm losing my touch of creativity. Or maybe it's thanks to the lack of sleep. Whatever it is. I really didn't do much with my day today. Just woke up, cleaned up and headed to church. Hmm.. many familiar faces seen but yet, there were quite a number of new ones there too. The people were nice as always. Wait, this is my 2nd visit in months or years. It's quite surprising actually.. that I wanted to go back to church. Oh well, life is just weird isn't it? One day I woke up and decided that I wanted to be a good boy that heads to church by my own will every Sunday morning to fellowship and worship God alongside other Christians.

Anyway, life really didn't give much of anything to me today. I bummed around alot and it's about time I started college. Darn, I really didn't do everything yet. I hope they actually did register me. I tried giving them calls and visits. Yes, I traveled all the way to college in hopes of actually having some progress. Sadly, it came down to a.. zero. Nothing more than that, so I've decided. Go to bed early today, arise early and head to college 1st thing tomorrow morning to see if I've sealed the deal. Dang, this college thing is a serious mess to me now isn't it? Why did God give me a more organized brain? At least that way, I could think better and actually do something useful.

Oh well, other than church, I finally managed to catch up on a few more episodes of "Heroes". Been meaning to finish up the season but didn't find the time to. Right now I'm glad that I did. Anyway, that about wraps up what I have achieved so far today - nothing. Kay then.. tiill later. Toodles.



P.S. A shoutout to my pillow. Yes, you got that right. My pillow. The bloody tempting item in my room that makes me want to go to bed everytime I enter my room. Gosh! My eyes were killing me and my mind was wandering today while sitting through the sermon. Note to self: Get sufficient rest before going to church.




"The origins of a man does not paint his future. It is what he does with his life that points him there."
+>SuicidalAct<+

Backdated Updates

After so many years of endurance undergone by this nation and it's people, Malaysia finally reached it's 50th independance. Yes, it is very true. This is the fact. So, in order to celebrate this glorious achievement, a few of us decided to go clubbing in KL. Just a few of us, about 20 plus people or more. Not much. Well, made it there really early. half an hour before opening time anyway. 8.30 sharp we were already there. As all Malaysians think alike, we decided to bum at the mamak stall nearby. After hanging out and wasting our time, we finally made it into the club 2 hours later. From then on, the party-ing went on and on. Met many familiar faces and bummed around there till 1. Strangely enough, although paying for 1 quarter of a bottle of whiskey, I had only 3 cups of it. The rest was history. The place was rather packed up that day. Screwed up Malaysians that have the same thinking. So, in order to reduce the conggestion, I spent 3 quarter of the time outside of the club rather than in it. Really was great being able to meet up with old friends and actually spending time with them. Went back around 1 that day. Early people we were. Me and Shobz.

Well subsequently, we went to grab a bite to eat with Kit and headed home around 4. Kit stayed over of course. We didn't sleep till 5 plus thanks to Kit. We chatted till the time mentioned before falling asleep. The next day was fun but stupid. Went to Midvalley for a little foos. Met Candice and Cecilia (rather sweet gal that was), dropped off Kit and headed to One Utama. There, we spend our afternoon before they met up with their other friends and that was the time I headed off to other plans.

Met up with Shobaan, Wong Sifu and Gab. As planned, we went to Asia Cafe for food and foos. Met with Ade there. Yes! The stalker! We met so many times everywhere and I somewhat knew that I've seen her somewhere before. Well, finally had a proper introduction and yes, we hung out even more. Foosing and stuff. Reached home at 4 in the morning.

As for today, I was with Ameer since 1 in the afternoon. Yet again, we foosed. It was really tiring since we did it for more or less 4 hours. Gosh! I can't feel my wrist. After that, Ameer had to leave so met up yet again with Wong Sifu, Kit and his complains about the crappy trip the day before, Jinjai and his sparkling braces and of course, Andy - the Nilai boy.. Hehehe. Guess where we went? Foosing. Again.. this time it was in Connaught. We really had fun. But after awhile, my whole arm hurt like mad that it felt like it was burning. Darn! Everyone finally heads off and now, I'm back. Today's post is really boring since I'm just telling everyone what I did for the past few days. Sorry people.. I don't have any creativity at the moment. A little tired..Brain dead though..


P.S. A shoutout to Candice and Cecilia. Had an awesome time with you gals at One Utama. Though it was boring, we made ourselves useful. Hehehe.. Stupid camwhoring! Dang! Why did we have a camera with us? Ahh yes, thanks to Ameer and Kingsley too for spending the afternoon. Really improving since the last time I played with you both. Screw you Kit! You canceled the plan we had to go church tomorrow.. never mind. As for Wong Sifu.. you would be "di-kristiankan" eventually. No worries. :D Aight, that about wraps up things..


"A bird in hand is better than two in the bush. Cherish what you have while you can. Never know when you would lose it."
+>SuicidalAct<+