Smile - Uncle Kracker

You're better then the best
I'm lucky just to linger in your light
Cooler then the flip side of my pillow, that's right
Completely unaware
Nothing can compare to where you send me,
Lets me know that it's ok, yeah it's ok
And the moments where my good times start to fade

You make me smile like the sun
Fall out of bed, sing like bird
Dizzy in my head, spin like a record
Crazy on a Sunday night
You make me dance like a fool
Forget how to breathe
Shine like gold, buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild
Ohh, you make me smile

Even when you're gone
Somehow you come along
Just like a flower poking the sidewalk crack and just like that
You steal away the rain and just like that

You make me smile like the sun
Fall out of bed, sing like bird
Dizzy in my head, spin like a record
Crazy on a Sunday night
You make me dance like a fool
Forget how to breathe
Shine like gold, buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild
Ohh, you make me smile

Don't know how I lived without you
Cuz everytime that I get around you
I see the best of me inside your eyes
You make me smile
You make me dance like a fool
Forget how to breathe
Shine like gold, buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild

You make me smile like the sun
Fall out of bed, sing like bird
Dizzy in my head, spin like a record
Crazy on a Sunday night
You make me dance like a fool
Forget how to breathe
Shine like gold, buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild
Ohh, you make me smile

Jack

Paramore - The Only Exception

When I was younger
I saw my daddy cry
And curse at the wind
He broke his own heart
And I watched
As he tried to reassemble it

And my momma swore that
She would never let herself forget
And that was the day that I promised
I'd never sing of love
If it does not exist

But darling,
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception

Maybe I know, somewhere
Deep in my soul
That love never lasts
And we've got to find other ways
To make it alone
Keep a straight face

And I've always lived like this
Keeping a comfortable, distance
And up until now

I had sworn to myself that I'm

Content with loneliness

Because none of it was ever worth the risk

Well, You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception

I've got a tight grip on reality
But I can't
Let go of what's in front of me here
I know you're leaving
In the morning, when you wake up
Leave me with some kind of proof it's not a dream

Ohh---

You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception

And I'm on my way to believing
Oh, And I'm on my way to believing

Her Only Exception.Glad the choice was made..32..

Jack

You and I Both - Jason Mraz

Was it you who spoke the words that things would happen but not to me
Oh things are gonna happen naturally
Oh taking your advice I'm looking on the bright side
And balancing the whole thing
But often times those words get tangled up in lines
And the bright lights turn to night
Until the dawn it brings
Another day to sing about the magic that was you and me

Cause you and I both loved
What you and I spoke of
And others just read of
Others only read of the love, the love that I love.

See I'm all about them words
Over numbers, unencumbered numbered words
Hundreds of pages, pages, pages forwards
More words then I had ever heard and I feel so alive

You and I, you and I
Not so little you and I anymore
And with this silence brings a moral story
More importantly evolving is the glory of a boy

Cause you and I both loved
What you and I spoke of
And others just dream of
And if you could see me now
Well I'm almost finally out of
I'm finally out of
Finally deedeedeedee
Well I'm almost finally, finally
Well I'm free, oh, I'm free

And it's okay if you have go away
Oh just remember the telephone works both ways
And if I never ever hear them ring
If nothing else I'll think the bells inside
Have finally found you someone else and that's okay
Cause I'll remember everything you sang

Cause you and I both loved what you and I spoke of
and others just read of and if you could see now
well I'm almost finally out of.
I'm finally out of, finally, deedeeededede
well I'm almost finally, finally, finally out of words.

-

You know how it's like that one have so many friends and am constantly surrounded by people but still feel lonely? Being lonely in a crowd, at a party with friends or even just having dinner. Sigh.. sucks having to walk on a dusty road thinking someone is following behind you but when you turn around, there isn't anybody there.. Things like this haunt me day and night. Why? Why is it so hard? I've never wanted anyone that badly before. NEVER. Now.. I'm in dilemma. I wanted to move on.. but yet.. something inside still tells me to cling on. FML.

-.-

Crap.. why do I still miss you? Sigh.. after all that's been said and done. Guess this ain't the easiest thing to do huh? After all the partying and going wild, things still seem the same.. where I left it before.. this is.. saddening I'm afraid. Temporal distractions.. epic fail..

Forked Roads

I've reached the point where the road splits in two. Where do I go from here? Time and again I told myself it's time to move on. It's not worth it anymore. Is this pain I'm feeling the punishment of my mistakes of the past? Am I to blame fully for all this? Sigh.. I don't know what to do anymore. It's numbing. But yet, knowing all this.. I still cling on. Why?! Why?! Stop acting like you care! Stop telling me you want to check up on me. It's been more than a month now and I've been feeling better. Lesser tears. More joy. At least from temporal distractions. Then you come around putting hope into my heart. Making me wonder if we could be again. Now I'm crushed. Lost and confused..

I don't think I want to love you anymore..

Yet one of those nights again

Alright.. I don't want to think about this anymore alright? I give up. I really don't know what to feel anymore. The feelings.. they're so numb right now. I've endured through this all this while. You don't even want to hear from me. Sigh.. enough. I don't want to cling on anymore. Please teach me how to leave. To just live and let go if that's what you want..

On another note, last night was totally awesome I supposed. Jean! You're finally 20! Good for you! Thanks heaps for throwing an awesome party. Had enough to drink. Duhhh.. well, not from our table anyway. Whatever it is. It's all good. Love the crowd.. People! You guys made my day. Which brings me to naming those that actually made it fun for me.. Jean of course. There's also Vernie. Yes! I know you enjoyed your 1st time out clubbing with us! You were smiling ear to ear at the end. There's also Yasmin. Thanks girl.. you were an awesome date. Uhh.. Azfa and gang.. and of course, Candice and Dan.. How can I go clubbing without you two huh? ;) And the rest of the people I barely recall. You guys were an awesome bunch..

Driving on this road of sadness and pain is not my choice to make. If only there was an exit on this friggin highway..
+SuicidalAct+

How can you mend a broken heart

When living for my life
Was everything a man could want to do
I could never see tomorrow
But I was never told about the sorrow
And how can you mend a broken heart?
How can you stop the rain from falling down?
How can you stop the sun from shining?
What makes the world go round?
How can you mend a this broken man?
How can a loser ever win?
Please help me mend my broken heart
And let me live again
I can still feel the breeze
That rustles through the trees
And misty memories of days gone by
We could never see tomorrow
No one said a word about the sorrow
And how can you mend a broken heart?
How can you stop the rain from falling down?
How can you stop the sun from shining?
What makes the world go round?
How can you mend this broken man?
How can a loser ever win?
Please help me mend my broken heart
And let me live again

Times of regret

The calmness of the night. The stillness of the air, it brings back memories of you. Staying over and having you right next to me. Remember waking up in the dead of night. Slowly and steadily I rise from bed just to gaze at you sleeping. The sound of your steady breathing fills the air as you sleep lie there quietly like a little child snuggled up for the night. I miss how you smell. My favorite shampoo that. The smell of your flowing hair as you walk past me. Soft and delicate, you have beautiful features that I can gaze at with love and adoration. Ohh.. how I missed you darling. What would I give to get everything back? Everything. I'm willing to try if just this once more. To be able to feel your warmth, to hold you close. To tell you everything would be alright because I'm here. That I would fight away your nightmares and to be your very own superhero. I love you honn. I really do. Missing you as always. Gosh! When would this actually end? It's been 11months but yet the feelings never changed. One small mistake took away my shot at love. A love that's different from any other. A love only YOU can give. Too many apologies were said. Too much of hurt and pain was inflicted. If only I knew better then..

P.S. I still love you.

Regret is only mistakes of the past.
+SuicidalAct+

So close - Jon Mclaughlin

You're in my arms
And all the world is calm
The music playing on for only two
So close together
And when I'm with you
So close to feeling alive

A life goes by
Romantic dreams will stop
So I bid mine goodbye and never knew
So close was waiting, waiting here with you
And now forever I know
All that I wanted to hold you
So close

So close to reaching that famous happy end
Almost believing this was not pretend
And now you're beside me and look how far we've come
So far we are so close

How could I face the faceless days
If I should lose you now?
We're so close
To reaching that famous happy end
And almost believing this was not pretend
Let's go on dreaming for we know we are
So close
So close
And still so far

Officially Missing You - Tamia

Hmm...
Ooh.. ooh...

All I hear is raindrops, falling on the rooftop
Oh baby, tell me why'd you have to go?
'Cause this pain I feel, won't go away
And today I'm officially missing you

I thought that from this heartache, I could escape
But I've fronted long enough to know
There ain't no way
And today I'm officially missing you

Ooh, can't nobody do it like you
Said every little thing you do, hey, baby
Said it stays on my mind
And I-I'm officially..

All I do is lay around, two years full of tears
From looking at your face on the wall
Just a week ago you were my baby
Now I don't even know you at all, I don't know you at all

Well, I wish that you could call me right now
So that I could get through to you somehow
But I guess it's safe to say, baby, safe to say
That I-I'm officially missing you

Ohh, can't nobody do it like you
Said every little thing you do, hey, baby
Said it stays on my mind
And I-I'm officially

Well I thought I could just get over you, baby
But I see that's something I just can't do
From the way you would hold me
To the sweet things you told me
I just can't find a way to let go of you

Ohh.. can't nobody do it like you
Said every little thing you do, hey, baby
Said it stays on my mind
And I-I'm officially..

It's official
Hoo, you know that I'm missin' you, yeah, yes
All I hear is raindrops, oh, yeah
And I-I'm officially missin' you

Get me the hell away from this teenage drama! I don't want any of it mann! Don't pull me in! I wanna be a bystander!

Oh damn! The recent week's parties were doped up mann! Massively cool! Met awesome people! I love you guys! Don't think you guys would stumble on ma blog but it's aite. Anyway, life's just been great I guess. Sigh.. there are heartaches and stuff but nothing I can't handle I guess. Hmm.. nothing much to report. Ain't gonna talk too much about what's been going on anyway..

P.S. I still love you..

Please don't pretend to like me if you don't. If you want to let go, let go all the way. I know I won't. I'll love you for as long as I live.. But just don't lead me on. It hurts even more when you do..

I know it doesn't breakeven

I can't help myself. Falling over and over for you. I can't stop this feeling in my heart. I just want truth. To do all I can to assure that you're safe. That you won't get hurt again by anyone. But I can't do that without having you to call my own. I'm done crying over this matter. I really am. I can't do this anymore. I would still hold on no matter what. That's how much I actually put into this. I can't let go. I love you.. Mistakes made cannot be erased. I can do what I can to improve. To be better. But I need you to be there, watching and understanding that all this is for you.

Guess it's karma. You win. You broke my heart, torn it into shreds and returned it to me. It's broken beyond repair. In the end, I was the one that handed the ball over to you. It's in your court now. It can't be helped. The bottomline is, I became the loser. I need a shoulder, an ear to listen. Anything from anybody. Any takers?

Crying in the rain.. That's truly emo. Managed that today. The chilly, ice cold rain pouring down from heaven above. Washing my pain away..

P.S. I love you.

Forever Love

Artist: 王力宏 / Wang Lee Hom
Composer: 王力宏

愛你 不是因為你的美而已
我越來越愛你 每個眼神觸動我的心
因為你讓我看見Forever，才了解自己
未來這些日子 要好好珍惜
愛我 有些痛楚 有些不公平
如果真的愛我 不是理所當然的決定
感到妳的呼吸在我耳邊 像微風神奇
溫柔的安撫 我的不安定
所以我~要 每天研究你的笑容 ooh 多麼自然

forever love forever love 我只想用我這一輩子去愛你
從今以後 你會是所有 幸福的理由

愛情是場最美最遠的旅行
沿途雨季泥濘 偶爾阻礙我們的前進
Forever Love lyrics on
http://music.yeucahat.com/song/Chinese-French/11235-Forever-Love~Wang-Lee-Hom.html
感到妳的體溫在我懷裡 像陽光和煦
巧妙的融化 我的不安定
不可思議 證明我愛你的理由 ooh 多麼自然

forever love forever love 我只想我用這一輩子去愛你
從今以後 妳會是所有 幸福的理由

妳感動的眼睛 我沉默的聲音
彷彿就是最好的證明
就讓我在說一次 I love you oh (直到永遠)

forever love forever love 我只想我用這一輩子去愛你
從今以後 妳會是所有 幸福的理由

Forever love forever love forever love

The Man Who Can't Be Moved

Going Back to the corner where I first saw you
Gonna camp in my sleeping bag I'm not gonna move
Got some words on cardboard, got your picture in my hand
saying, "if you see this girl can you tell her where I am"

Some try to hand me money, they don't understand
I'm not broke I'm just a broken hearted man
I know it makes no sense but what else can I do
How can I move on when I'm still in love with you

Cause If one day you wake up and find your missing me
and your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be
Thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet
And you'll see me waiting for you on our corner of the street
So I'm not moving, I'm not moving

Policeman says, "son you can't stay here"
I said, "there's someone I'm waiting for If it's a day, a month, a year"
Gotta stand my ground even if it rains or snows
If she changes her mind this is the first place she will go

Cause If one day you wake up and find your missing me
and your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be
Thinkin maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet
And you'll see me waiting for you on our corner of the street
So I'm not moving, I'm not moving,
I'm not moving, I'm not moving

People talk about the guy that's waiting on a girl
There are no holes in his shoes but a big hole in his world

Maybe i'll get famous as the man who can't be moved
Maybe you wont mean to but you'll see me on the news
And you'll come running to the corner
cause you'll know it's just for you
Im the man who can't be moved

Chorus 2x

Going Back to the corner where I first saw you
Gonna camp in my sleeping bag I'm not gonna move

Letting go or clinging on

Many people told me to let go. I can't help myself. I can't let go of you. I can't.. It's not in me. I've tried to. I really have. I was afraid of getting hurt. I didn't want to feel pain. I let go. Now I regret, I'm scared. I'm feeling hurt right now. You're ignoring me.. I can't seem to forget about you. It's been 10 months but I still love you. You're still in my heart. Girl, what is this? Don't tell me you don't feel it too. You do don't you? You promised me you would try. That we would. There's got to be a reason why you did right? You did put in effort to contact me. To talk to me, to meet up, to catch up and to even stay over.. What is all this? I don't quite understand.. Please explain this to me.. Don't leave me hanging.. you know it hurts.. I've been hurting for so long already. Don't leave. You're already a part of me. Don't take what's me away.. I don't feel myself anymore. I feel lost and downright sad. Help me feel loved again. I need you..

I want everything but I just need you to give me something.. anything.. Don't leave me with nothing.

SuicidalAct

Lost in my own world

Things seemed all too familiar. But different. Things aren't the same anymore thanks to me. I can't erase the past. I can't make up for it. But what I promise is a better future. A promising one. I know I love you.. I know I do. With all my heart. Sigh.. Why must things be so hard? It's like getting lost in my own world. One I grew familiar and very fond with. One I want to always be in.. My world's revolving around you. I wanna tell you so much. I wanna promise you and keep the promises but it doesn't matter now. It all falls apart.. because of what I've done before. I can't prove myself until you give me a shot.. :S

P.S. I love you..

Chasing after you.. with updates in hand.

Considering I haven't blogged for abit. Maybe it's about time I caught up with myself. A few updates on life. Classes have finally started. I was on break before this. Let's review what I was doing before this during semester break.

Things Jack did during Semester Break
-Became a drunkard that was never sober.
-Trip to Broga Hill (It was a hike but we had a bottle with us then.. Chivas)
-Genting Trip (Only time I didn't have any alcohol. Was with Uni mates)
-Met up heaps of people.
-Stoned.
-Clubbed like an idiot.

That's about it. Wow.. how productive. Well, it was a lil before this time that I've figured I have another love of my life. Sigh.. after what's happened. It hit me. I needed to cherish those I cared for. Those I loved. I haven't been the best person. Never been the best companion or friend. Always got around to making excuses. Always pushed the blame. Pointed the finger. I know I'm wrong. I made my mistakes. I regret it. I've thought hard about this and I know for a sure fact that I want it to work out again. There's just SO much running through my head now about her. I know I need her. I want her close. To be sure it's alright. That's she is safe. I'm afraid. I have grown to have a phobia. A fear of losing those around me. Help me.

P.S. To the other love of my life, I love you.. I'm sorry. I know.. I'm scared too but.. I'm willing to try.. I've lost one of the two already. Don't let it happen again.

Somebody once told me that loving someone is to let go. I believe loving someone is to NEVER let go..

-SuicidalAct-

In memory of a brother.

It's been awhile but I'm back. After much anticipation, yet another chapter in the life of none other.. Me. Considering the fact that it's way past my bedtime, I still can't find a reason why I can't go to bed. It's officially 2 months and 1 week from his passing. About time I blog about him. All the many escapades we never share with others. Countless nights we spent star gazing, sitting in my car just chilling and growing up. Yes, the love of my life, the brother I never had - Shobaan.

Have I ever told you how we 1st met? Well, here it goes. Life was simple for me back then. The good, childish little boy I was. I finally grew to be in Secondary School. It wasn't exactly the 1st day of the school year but I was late. I was admitted later than most students into the then prestigious school - Victoria Institution. As it was my 1st day in school, I kept to myself most of the time. Met a few friends that would later on grow to be besties. Anyway, that's just a little prelude. It all happened on the way home. Public transport was the only option since my parents were usually busy with work. Alone and young, I was scared of the world around me. Tonnes of people surrounded me, quietly waiting for the arrival of their train ride home. School have only finished moments ago. "The 1st day of school.. not too bad", I thought to myself. Soon, I was aboard a giant, metallic vehicle slowly crawling it's tracks to each stop. Sri Petaling was the last stop and my destination. Soon, the teeming crowd lessened to a miserable few passengers. I minded my own business as I sat quietly in a corner of my own.
Footsteps echoed through the nearly empty carriage. As I looked up, someone caught my gaze. "Hi, are you from VI too?", a young indian chap approached and exclaimed. Almost instantly, his hand shot out from his side gesturing for a handshake. Obliged and shy, I lifted my hand and clasped it onto his. It was that moment, that handshake that changed my life. It was never the same again.
Our friendship grew as time drew on. Soon enough, Jack can never be seen without Shobaan next to him and vice versa. We were inseparable. We shared everything and talked all day. His company was uncomparable. Lovable, fun and straightforward. There was none other like him. Blunt and direct as he was, he was also someone that cared. 1st impressions never did too well for him it seems. Many disliked the idea of him around but soon everybody felt right at home having him around.
It was about 7 years and 7 months since our 1st meeting when it happened. All the promises we had for each other. You and I against the world. Us growing old together having grandchildren. Laughing, seeping on fine wine or sitting in chinese coffee shops till late at night talking about our past. The things we were going to do. My 21st birthday celebration. All of that and MORE. I thought it was true. Boy, was I wrong. Torn down and shattered like a mirror hitting the ground, it happened. The time was 6.30am, 10th September 2009. I was on the way home from Subang when I received a phone call. It was Shobaan or so I thought it was. As I picked up the call thinking it was him reconfirming our breakfast plans, another voice could be heard from the other end instead. The voice was familiar but did not register. "Tiru? ", I exclaimed. It was his girlfriend. She sounded in shock and worried.

"What's the matter?", I asked.

"It's Shobaan.. something.. something bad's happened. I don't know if he's alright or not. He got into an accident.. it was bad.."

From that moment on, my world was thrown into a void of darkness. Could it be? Did something really bad happen? Was this all a joke? As I rushed to the hospital, all these thoughts were swimming in my head. What could have possibly gone wrong?

Being greeted by tear stained faces and shaking voices always left distaste in my mouth as it runs dry. No words could ever comfort such happenings. Nothing could ever be done to undo what's happened. The Forensics Department it was called. What a joke. As I got there, I realized where I was, it was a morgue. Stunned and afraid, I was guided into a cold, empty room. Lying lifeless on the metal table was my best friend. -End-

A bitter ending it was to this tale. But all is not lost. Brother, I miss you more than anything in the world. Guess it's just you watching my back now. I stay up nights crying for your passing but nothing more can be done. At times I think of you and wish you were here but I know it's not possible. Here is a tribute to you. You'll always live in our hearts. As a brother, lover, son and friend. Here's to you.

To have lived the fullest life is not about how old you are or how good your life was, it is about being remembered when you are long gone.

-SucidalAct-